The State of Marriage

The state of marriage and its success rate have constantly declined in the last decades. Based on recent data, the marriage rate in the West has felt somewhat 40% over the previous 30 years. While data shows the rate of divorce felt, the data is misleading as it represents a crude number that does not take into account the marriage decline rate. To make it simple, if the number of divorces stays the same while the number of marriages diminishes by half, it means that the true amount of failing marriages doubled. Based on recent stats, half of all first marriages end in divorce, and the rate of second and third marriages is drastically higher.

Moreover, a recent study shows that nearly 25% of kids under 18 grow up in single-parent households in the US. In her book “You Can Be Right, or You Can Be Married,” Dana Adam Shapiro wrote that as few as 17 percent of couples are content in their marriage. Vicki Larson, journalist and co-author of “The New I Do, Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists, and Rebels,” cites that six of every 10 married couples are unhappy, and four out of 10 have considered leaving their partner.

This by itself is troubling. It reflects a deep problem in our current Western society. One that affects the level of happiness and productivity of our adult generation and will directly impact the next one. The reasons given for reaching this point vary. Women's liberation, the fall of Christianity, the internet, and the general Disney model of love contribute to this trend. Couple therapy became a flourishing industry together with lawyers who specialize in divorce. YouTube is full of channels that cover all topics related to these issues, giving each unhappy person the exact answer he or she was looking for to validate their perspective. As a person who took part in numerous couples therapies and spent some time searching for answers online, I can attest to that fact. It is an industry of misery, one that is probably based on a lot of good intentions and some profit-seeking.

After hearing many professional talking points about the subject of couple problems and the web of possible solutions, I realized that most, if not all, of the current conversations on the topic are based on the capacity of couples to develop healthy communication. One that will allow them to share and accept each other, feel safe, and become one happy cell. The focus on this topic is normally more demanding from men as, by nature, women have a higher capacity to connect to their emotions, give names to them, and speak about them. Some new development psychology movement has started recently to popularize the topic of attachment problems, promoting the idea that by understanding and focusing on this topic, couples could understand each other better and heal together into a better-shared future.

After giving it some thought, I came to realize that the main issue with our current mating world can be referred to as a “Problem of first principle.” Let me explain. In essence, people today don’t enter into relationships knowing consciously what they are searching for. Most of the generation that grew up on Disney just want to be in love, search for a magical mystic connection, and want to be understood. By itself, those are all noble causes, but there is no clear understanding of what a person wants and needs in a relationship in the long run. Many people will search to be understood and fall in love more for the sake of being in love than anything else. Disney and Hollywood's dream of happiness ever after played a big part in this. Eventually, in most of the movies, the story concentrates on the meeting process, the shared struggle of two people against the world, and finishes at the wedding. Doing so made us all unconsciously programmed with a clear vision of how things should look from the start. We all search for and create it by acting as closely as possible to this model. By doing so, we concentrate on the wrong thing. We choose our mates based on an emotional reaction based on a fictional dream nobody lives in.

Like all the good magic stories, it is a question of time until the magic disappears, and we are left with the reality we put ourselves into. It is part of any long-term relationship. For some, it requires time, and for others, a baby or a misfortune. Eventually, all relationship reaches this point. It is the moment one realizes that the person he is spending his time with is no longer reflecting the image one has built for himself in his head when the magic is up. This happened for several reasons. First, when we fall in love, we do so by creating an image of the other person that is half based on the actual reality and half on what we would like and want the other person to be. It is never really based on the actual person. We develop feelings toward a representation that mixes what we need, dream, and wish for. Secondly, as time passes, people change. It is part of life.

Sometimes, people change in a manner that fits the other person's mental image. Those are by far a minority of cases that do not represent the experience of most couples. This change process repeats itself many times during any long-term relationship, building one on top of the other. In this process, not only does one partner change, but the person itself changes simultaneously. As both partners are changing, it is just a question of repetition before the couple reaches a point in which they can no longer be recognized as the one at the beginning of the process. It is an inevitability of life. Third and most importantly, we are creatures that excel in adapting to living in a world where we get bored very easily. The good and exciting traits that we find so unique in a person become the norm, and we start taking them for granted, making only the problematic aspect of the other person float. This is all part of a normal relationship that started based on emotionally Disney-structured love.

Eventually, after a certain period of marriage, many couples reach a point where they see their partner for who they are. Not because they were hiding it but because the magic of being in love diminishes. In many cases, a person will become highly aware of the other person's true nature and mainly focus on his partner's undesirable traits. It is a kind of Bias to the negative. At this point, sentences such as “You changed so much,” “Where is the person I married,” and “Why are you so…” start to appear. In reality, those are natural stages of any long-term relationship. It is the hard part. The part that actually builds strength and true meaning in the relationship itself. Only by overcoming it can a couple start to create a real relationship built on trust, appreciation, and acceptance. One that is not based on uncontrollable feelings but meaning, shared purpose, and acceptance based on both partners' actual personalities and needs. It is part of any maturation process. One that is not easy requires courage and, as we see around us, fails many times.

Many couples divorce at that stage, while others live miserably together. Circling and spiraling around frustration with a hidden wish, the other side will understand and finally change. I will tell you something right now: your partner will not change and will not become the person you wish him or her to be. Not because he won’t but because he can’t. He or she was never this person and never planned to be. The memories of a different person are probably more of an inner construction of the story you told yourself when you were in the middle of the ecstasy stage of being in love. It never actually reflected the person standing before you – (well, on some metaphysical level). I will add a caveat and say that, in some cases, people actually change over time following a traumatic event. In these cases, pushing aggressively into the face of the person how unhappy the partner is with the change and insisting he should come back to what he was is genuinely destructive and unhelpful.

There is nothing wrong with growing apart. We all experience it in our life. Friends in the early period of life don’t always fit the person we become when we grow up. It is part of life and evolution. Regardless, it should be seen differently when it comes to marriage. Marriage is a different game with a different purpose. Especially when kids are involved. Marriage is a commitment. One that is built to maintain structure for the creation of a family. Divorce without kids is a bureaucratic hustle that should make any person think twice before entering into it if no wish for kids exists. Kids are the reason for the commitment to holding an accountable structure that will allow them to survive and even flourish. We enter into marriage for that purpose, which should be the most important reason to ensure it works well.

When presenting this topic to many people, the argument I encountered many times was – “It is better for kids to have a happy divorced marriage over unhappy married parents.” While I agree with this argument on many levels, it is not what this conversation is about. As parents, we are the first and most important example kids grow into. They absorb and imprint some unconscious ideas. The parents' structure, love, availability, and happiness will guide kids into adulthood and be their north star. Without a true example of responsibility, happiness, and good communication, kids grow up in a world where they are unaware of what a healthy relationship looks like. Moreover, The idea that life is hard but that it can and should be handled with the utmost courage and responsibility is lacking in a divorced family. Concepts such as compromising for the greater good, overcoming difficulties, and the notion that life is not perfect can all be learned from parents who manage to create a healthy and stable household, regardless of all the hardships.

Good things are hard to get and require hard work in the process. Marriages are not different. We can choose the wrong people for the right reasons or the right people for the wrong reasons. Marriage is not about what we did and who we were, but what we have right now and how we can make it work. It is unavoidable that a couple will grow apart at a certain point in time. The needs of both of the people involved will certainly change. It is undoubtedly true that in certain periods, it will feel as if it will be better to be alone than together. But this is not the game played in a long-term marriage. Love is something you build! There are no bad reasons to fight for love. It is hard, demanding, and sometimes seems impossible. But nothing worthwhile is easy, and children are the biggest, if not the only, real responsibility we have in life.

If you find yourself unhappy in your marriage, please remember that it is normal. It happened to all married couples. The difference between the one that survives and the one that fails is not that hardship doesn’t come their way. It is all about their capacity to understand what they are fighting for and their willingness to sacrifice for it. Your partner will not change in the way you wish for just because you do, but if you are lucky, he or she will be willing to listen to your needs, express their own, and find a way to make it better together. In the long run, you deserve a good marriage worth fighting for. And if you don’t find it to be true, your children definitely do. This is the purpose of marriage in the first place.

 If you like the content please consider subscribing to my email list. By doing so, you are helping me taking another step in my wonderful journey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Overcoming Nihilism

Meaning and purpose have been part of human existence for as long as we know ourselves. Diversity of meaning has been one of the most crucial factors in the separation and division of human societies throughout history. Questions surrounding the subject have been discussed by philosophers for millennia's establishing it as the core denominator of all religions, political movements, and social revolutions. The capacity of a person to accept and respect the fact that different people have different meanings and purposes in life has been the foundation of democracy, allowing the West to prosper and reach its current stage. Christianity and monotheism, in general, are based on the need of humans to have a clear, articulated, and applicable purpose. Creating meaning for each person based on their personality. Such a frame allows societies and the people in it to concentrate on other social matters as a generally comfortable framework accepted by everyone participating in the community.

Our current Western society is evolving toward Nihilism. It is reflected in many places in the West. Making it one of the most concerning developments of the last decade. The implication of such a philosophy is destructive to any society that seeks to cooperate and evolve constructively. At its core, it contradicts the idea of society to start with. The Oxford definition of Nihilism is "the rejection of all religious and moral principles, in the belief that life is meaningless." If I need to put it in my own simple words, I will define it as follows: The belief that our existence has no more significant meaning or importance than a rock, ant, or a tree. It is an equality of nothingness, making humans not only not important but, in many cases, less relevant than the trees in a forest. The term nihilism emerged in several places in Europe during the 18th century, notably in the German form "Nihilismus." However, it was also used during the Middle Ages to denote certain forms of heresy. The concept first took shape within Russian and German philosophy, representing the two major currents of discourse on Nihilism before the 20th century.

The recent increase in Nihilism is not surprising. The fall of Christianity, the fear of Nationalism, and the deconstruction of the historical family structure all contribute to this movement. Another factor is the recent doom day extinction rebellion that the media and our government constantly push in our faces. Concepts such as the alarmist Global Warming, Covid, the last 20 years of economic instability, and the aggressive liberal call to cancel everything we used to be proud of all bring people to the unavoidable conclusion that life is meaningless. Loneliness in big cities and the advance of social media do not help either, as it diminishes our interaction with real people, diminishing our social skills and our need for accountability. Nietzsche saw it coming and warned us about it. His full quote about the death of god goes around the lines of – "If people stop believing in god, they will start to believe in anything presented to them." Not very optimistic at its core.

The subject of Nihilism is very close to my heart, as I have fallen deeply into its shadow. It was not a voluntary choice but seemed like an unavoidable logical conclusion at the time. At first, there was something very comforting and liberating to the idea that there is no meaning or purpose in my life, as it freed me from any responsibility or demands I had from myself. The idea that there is no point as there is no meaning meant that accountability or true responsibility is needed. I was free to be nothing and do everything. A true childish dream of a dreaming Peter Pan. Unfortunately, this comfort very fast changed into darkness. The more I dug into it, the less meaning I had. The more I tried to get out of it, the more I found around me good reasons that pushed me back down. It is a hard place to be and to be honest, it almost killed me.

An interesting thing about being part of the Nihilist clan is that it reinforces itself in circles. As more people join in, less meaning things start to have around. After all, if nobody cares, many things truly become unimportant. Moreover, I noticed that for some people, The idea that they are not alone in this dark place makes them feel more powerful and important. It gives them a reinforcement and, in some way, a new meaning – To spread the gospel of Nihilism and meaning in a half-prophetic way. Funnily enough, it is a paradox, as a Nihilist who believes he has a mission by itself makes him unconsciously believe in his own importance, making him a believer in meaning itself. Maybe, it is our inner need to have a purpose for meaning or our unconscious mechanism that cannot avoid it over a long enough period.

In our current day and age, most of our environment promotes hopelessness and meaningless existence. It is everywhere. From the "end of the world" movies to the futuristic TV shows that show us how we destroy ourselves. The promotion of alarming global warming that is mainly based on twisted statistics (and no, I'm not a global warming denier), the neo-feminism that explain man they are primarily a toxic unneeded aberration of woman, and the general deconstructive movement that scream we are all bad in our core and that we should all be ashamed and disgust from our history. It is a relentless propaganda that feeds on itself—evolving as a social chimera infecting every aspect of our life.

The ease with which this idea spread seems almost too natural. It pops up from nowhere and seems to resonate with many young people in the West. I came across many young and old people explaining that there is no meaning and that any trial to create one is artificial and based on hypocrisy. After reflecting on the subject for some time, I believe that the rise of Nihilism has two requirements that allow him to flourish. One is the aggressive push for Doom mentioned above, and the second is that many people no longer have a clear and solid value proposition to hold onto in difficult times. For millennia, religion, Nationalism, and social structures were taken as an obvious given. It made everything easier as it dictated its core meaning: one that framed people's life, purpose, and role.

Many spokespersons in our current age explain that the reason for our increasing Nihilism is based on the push for Doom propagated around us. They normally pick one specific reason and make a short career out of it. Some blame the church, others the government, feminism, or the economic stagnation of the last 20 years. I have no doubt in my mind that this approach is excellent for a career, but I believe it is an easy and unsatisfactory path to take if we are to find a real solution to our problem. All the reasons mentioned above are justified. They can explain to lost souls what is happening around them. It answers the question of "What is happening?" convincingly, allowing people to repeat to themselves and the people around them. Regardless, I believe that concentrating on these issues becomes part of the problem over time, not the solution. After all, explaining why reality is problematic without outlining a real solution is no different from any other doomsday they complain about.

Following long reflections, I believe there is one denominator to all these social movements and the rise of Nihilism. It is a meaning crisis. We lack purpose, and we are told there is none. We are explained that all the ancient purposes betrayed us and that believing in one brought only misery to humanity and our world. On many levels, it is true. Many values we had have brought violence that benefited a small part of the population at best, in the price of the suffering and sacrifice of the many. Ignoring or denying it is not helpful and easy to prove. Regardless, the solution is not to get rid of it altogether.

My biggest issue with Nihilism and the reasons I believe we do not have a real constructive discourse about it is that, at its core, the ideas behind it are right. They reflect a scary truth. One that we just called bigotry and heresy for millennia. The idea is that, in the most simplistic and basic manner, there is no fundamental meaning and purpose to our life. It is a hard pill to swallow, but one we should address if we are to move forward. I genuinely believe that the only reason we wake up in the morning is because we open our eyes, and here we are. It is an unavoidable truth that we never really manage to contradict without creating tales about the afterlife, gods, and nationalist folklore. Our actions are temporary, and on a historical level, only a few people are remembered. It is all true regardless of how it makes you feel, but it is missing the point. The only point that really matters, and what I believe to be the solution to our problem, have nothing to do with why you wake up in the morning but all to do with what you do with it now that you are here. It is not an obligation; it is a choice. Which probably is the reason it is so complicated and demanding.

Meaning is a classic example of something we can do without but shouldn't. It is not given or inborn by the universe. It is created in our minds. It creates purpose, cooperation, happiness, and joy. It helps us overcome hardship and bring out the power we never believed we had inside of us. Making it the most powerful force in the human arsenal. A person can pass an entire life without meaning, holding to the idea that there is none. But in that case, his life is unimportant, and his actions are irrelevant. A person that believes in Nihilism is just waiting to die. In case the nihilistic person in question has some form of benevolence, the person will wait for its end, trying to hurt or damage his surrounding as less as possible, making him psychologically more of a disease on earth than part of a bigger interconnected cosmos (Sounds familiar Greta?). We can all live like this or just die in mass suicide altogether tomorrow. After all, there is no point. I find it to be a miserable way to live a life. One that I will not wish for any person I love. Not because it is wrong but because we can do much better.

Meaning is there in abundance if one is searching to have one. It is found in beauty, art, and music. It is there and affects all humans regardless of their culture, age, or race. The fact that we find a universal joy in music can prove that meaning exists irrespective of our conscious effort. It uncontrollably moves something in all of us. It is done without any conscious effort. Music is sound. It is the combination of sounds we enjoy hearing not for reaching its end but for the sake of the process of listening to it. It has no purpose, but it has a deep meaning. It is different for each of us, but it exists in all of us. This by itself shows meaning is there. We can ignore it and live without it. But if we wish and want, it is there for the grab. Most importantly, it is nice and adds to our lives. Making it a better place and giving us a good reason to live another day.

We are currently experiencing a crisis of meaning and purpose on a mass scale. We became addicted to holding into problems, making them the depressing center of our reality. Peaceful solutions require effort and a messy process of trial and error. Something many people will be reluctant to engage with as they are exhausted from the fear-mongering of the loud minority of extremism that took over our perspective. It is a challenging path that we are reinforcing and solidifying. It is a race to the bottom. Jordan Peterson said while talking to a crowd that: "There's this idea that hell is a bottomless pit, and that's because no matter how bad it is, some stupid son of a bitch like you can figure out a way to make it a lot worse." It is true and somehow became a sport some people are proud to partake in.

Meaning, at its core, is a solution. Not a perfect one, but a solution at its essence. It is what makes life count. It is a subjective purpose based on beauty and promotes the creation of more of the same beauty. We can live without it on an individual level, but on a social level, we cannot. Order is based on meaning. Love is a manifestation of our willingness to have meaning. Hope builds on the meaning we choose to allocate to our future, creating purpose. It doesn't have to be grandiose or fancy. It just needs to exist. I believe that at our core, we would all wish for health, security, and happiness for the people we love. I believe we would all prefer to be happy and not sad. That love is better than hate, and that trust is better than mistrust.

The hardest part about it is that having a purpose and holding into it is a choice. One that requires discipline and mental strength. Life is long, complicated, and usually not what we tough it will be. Living constantly tests our conviction and strength. Giving us all the reason in the world to give up and cave to Nihilism. Being alone and isolated hinders our capacity to hold onto our meaning as it puts all the weight on our psyche that weakens over time. Regardless, if we are to create a better life for ourselves, the people we love, and the future generation, we need to believe we have a purpose. Not because it is a must but because it is the only path that creates hope.

I believe in my capacity to create a better future as I believe in the capacity of humans to wish for prosperity. Some people call me naïve, and they might be right. But I would prefer every day to live in a naïve way with meaning, rather than a life based on a realistic, depressing way that will bring me nowhere good. Meaning is a choice and a responsibility. One that we can help each other hold. Not because it brings us to a known end but because the alternative is clearly getting us nowhere.

Check out my latest books or post if you want to learn how these ideas can be implicated in an educational system.

Change is possible- It is a matter of how we decide to see the world.

In recent conversations I had with people around the world regarding my latest book on education and economy, I encountered a lot of reactions that expressed frustration and a lack of belief regarding a possible change. Many people correctly pointed out that the system of our days brings individuals to feels invisible, that the poor by themselves do not have the power required in front of the rich, and that the system is so strong an rooted in our society that talking about the creation of a real change is not realistic.

I notice that the majority of the people that have these opinions are expressing themselves with fear and hate. They are frustrated, concerned about growing discrimination, and tired of fighting fights they find unwinnable. Unfortunately, I understand them completely. 

The reality we are living in does not look very bright for the masses. The rich get richer while the poor stay the same; the educational system is degrading as the teachers do not have the tools and support needed to do a better job. The income of the majority of the people does not allow them to live decently while the taxes and the cooperation's profit rise. Our governments are so busy promoting their self-interest that they do not have the time to take care of their citizens, and racism is growing as people become lost and afraid of their own existence.

The reality we are living in these days is complicated. A realistic approach can very easily bring people to despair and nihilism. Something is indeed very wrong with the way we are living today. On the other side, looking back on the history of our kind, in many cases, we had to arrive at a certain extreme before we managed to get up and create a real change that counts.  

To be honest, I find that it is not our government that is maintaining our suffering (even if it is true they are helping); it is our mentality and the way we choose to see life and the action we take every day. It is true that the educational system of our days is depressive, that the media is pushing on us propaganda of fear and separation, and that the economic system we are taking part in is not helping us become wealthier or happier. But we, each of us individually, decide to wake up every day and see life the way we do.

We are led by a philosophy based on values of fear and separation, which will inevitably create a general feeling of terror and misery. We are busy looking and searching for what is wrong and different instead of praising and reinforcing what we have in common and what makes us better. We are busy, constantly concentrating on our past with frustration, fear, and anger instead of looking up to our future with hope, self-determination, and a wish for a better world. As I wrote in a different post, it is not how many times we felt that matters but how fast and motivated we get up.

The idea of separating the masses for the sake of control has existed for thousands of years. It is no longer relevant in an era in which we develop the capacity to communicate, share, and see each other worldwide. It is time to group and help each other! Let's concentrate on grouping ourselves with people we like and finding things in common instead of being busy avoiding the people we dislike and feel threatened by. By being an active part of our society, we will be able to start a change. Hate and fear weaken us and teach us how to be alone in a dark corner of despair. 

We are better than what they teach us and more powerful than what they want us to believe. Searching for our similarities is the key to a real and meaningful relationship. The path is hard and full of people that are too tired and weak to understand we can create a better world. Only by waking up every morning and giving a personal example others will get the courage and wish to learn and change. I have no doubt in my mind that effort is part of the success.

To learn more on the subject, check my recent books and other posts.

It is not how many times you fall, it is how fast you get up

Life is not a straight line. Every domain of our life has ups and downs. We are happy in some moments and sad in others. There are periods in life in which people surround us and moments in which we are alone. We are energetic and then tired. In reality, this is the meaning of life. If it were not like this, it would just be boring, too predictable and without any fun. The uncertainty in life creates romanticism, heroism, faith, and hope.

Recent research has proven that in our society, it is not talent that will always make us the most successful. Surprisingly enough, it is neither intelligent, hard work, or personal capacity, even if it helps without any doubt. The research showed that the main factor for one individual success is luck. When I encountered this research, my first reaction was to dismiss it with reluctance, as I was raised in a family that explained to me that success is part of the privileges of intelligent and hard-working people.

As with any subject that creates an immediate reluctance in my head, I decided to take a few moments to think and re-evaluate my opinion. I quickly realized that, based on my life experience, it makes sense. I met many very intelligent people living in mediocrity after a few turns in their lives exhausted them and made them decide not to try any longer. Undoubtedly, the social system we live in today is not built on values such as justice and equality of opportunities. There is no direct reward for hard work or good deeds.

On the other side, I met many successful people with a very medium to low level of intelligence or professionalism. Without any doubt, believing that being good in what one is doing will bring one success is important from a motivational standpoint. I have no doubt in my mind that effort is part of success. On the other side, it does not promise in any case success or riches.

The principle of luck is essential almost as the idea of hard work. I come from the retail industry; I own stores and have handled import and trade for nearly a decade. I trained endless salespeople and consulted a few businesses in my life. I had the pleasure of meeting all kinds of people with different personal capacities and motivations. My operation spread to many countries in different periods. In all of these experiences, I managed to find a repetitive pattern. It is not the most talented or intelligent people that finish successful, but the most motivated.

Life is random; it sometimes goes as planned and often does not. For every good day, some bad days follow. Intelligence, hard work, and practice are, without any doubt helping one to master his field, which is necessary for any occupation. On the other side, self-motivation and positive thinking brought all the successful people I know to success. They all tried and failed. They all saw their dreams shatter by a reality proving they were not the master of their own story. But they got up fast and with a belief it will work better next time. This is the real secret of success.

The Principle of life is simple –

You must work hard and aim to be the best in your field. There will always be somebody that performs better. If it does not exist now, it will appear with the time. But as the main factor of your success is luck, it is not how many times you will fall but how fast you will manage to get up and your belief in your capacity to make it happen that will bring you there. Failure is the key to success. More you try, the luckier you get.

Thomas Jefferson said: “Harder I work, Luckier I get.” Can you see it in your life?

From Nowhere to Somewhere

Many years ago, I had many dreams and many principles. The part given by my mentors, some acquired by life experiences, and some….well, I'm not sure where they came from. As I grew and walked my path, I thought I knew what I was searching for. Over time, I distanced myself from what I didn't want to see—digging in the dark for light to reinforce my way.

I grew up in an environment that loved the underdog. It made us feel that we all had a chance to arrive somewhere. Nobody told us where, how, or why, just that it will happen if we fight long enough and believe strong enough.

In my head, I had lived many lives already. I've been in many places, lived with many kinds of people, succeeded, and failed. Each of those lives gave me something and took from me as much. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It is a concept that constantly reappears wherever I go. People have justified this idea by explaining to me (and themselves simultaneously) that growth and strength come from failures. They were wrong! Things that don't kill you leave you with scares, pain, and nightmares. Some that you feel every day, and some reappear at some moments. The idea that we must fail to become stronger and smarter is very true. It is valid to the extent you can recover. It is a fine line. One that makes all the difference. I would claim that nothing impressive or meaningful can be achieved without struggle and pain. But it has its limitations.

We see only the success stories. The one that makes it through. We mainly concentrate on their achievement and search to validate the idea that pain was involved in the process. Success requires sacrifice and humility. It demands and takes from a person more than he can give. Success at the end of the road balances pain and the harshness in the process. It is not what kills you that makes you stronger; it is the things that help you to grow that do. To secede, one has to overcome himself! It is the most important aspect of it. If the life experience is so brutal and hard that it takes from one more than what it gives him, there is no net positive from it. Moreover, life is a continuous experience, and our existence is limited. A net negative can accumulate and affect all the paths taken from this moment onward.  

When I was young, I had a dream. One that was based on fantasy and naive hopes. I believe that most people want peace. That most of us will prefer a harder and free life over a comfortable life of compliance. I tough that logic, and the brain can overcome feelings of fear and doubt. I explain to myself that we are all one and equal and deserve peace. That may be by being good (whatever that means), helping, and giving. Some will come back to me…mystically, perhaps, or just as the way of life. I wanted to be understood and be part of these people. That all moved toward building a better future for all of us.

I lived many lives and so many people. And learned that my biggest enemy of myself is the stories I insist on believing in. Those that are unfounded on my life experience. Those that tell me that life should be something. Those that promise extreme ends, for the good and the bad. Life teaches if one is willing to listing. Listing means stop talking. Stop insisting that one is right, just, or deserving. Life just shows you, in a simple and constant way, how the world is. It took me decades to realize it. I refused to see it for a very long time. I insisted that I could shape it in my image if I repeated it enough times to enough people. I insisted the world was wrong and I was right. Not because I had conviction in my ideas but because I didn't want to be wrong. Wrong with my dream, hope, and beliefs.

The last few years have proved to me that life is hard. Over time, it becomes harder. The more you build, the more you need to give. And the more you give, the more you have to lose. I learned that people hate to lose as them as I too. I learned that the good of our children is no longer the center of our communities and that children, in general, become a burden and not bliss for many. I saw how governments around the world became a tool to impoverish those willing to work hard and how the majority of the people defend the system that enslaves them and hails for the theft of the future of the youth. I saw how people, for the sake of self-preservation, will manipulate the truth. I realized that ideas as the common good had been weaponized by scared people who cannot hold the tough that the life of others has any more importance than their safety and comfort. I saw how decent people became weak, broken, hopeless, and fearful.

Over time and with practice, Things became better. My morning Mantra helped solidify my mental path toward optimism, self-love, and general gratitude. These changes brought with them beautiful effects. My relationship with the people close to me improved. The time I spent with my daughters became extremely pleasant; I started looking at myself back in the mirror and liking what I saw.

After blaming the world for my predicament, I plunged into a long process of cultivating anger, frustration, and growing nihilism. I reached a dark place. One that hugs you and tells you there is no hope or exit. A place that screams that there is no point and that struggling or fighting is pointless. This dark place. One I can recognize today in the eye of many people. I stayed there for a while, looking at my life and everything I built around me falling apart. I developed negative stoicism, making me believe that I don't care. Neither about the world, the people of myself.

After some time, it hit me. I came to realize that I was wrong. I was wrong to believe in magic, faith, or the good of the people. I was wrong holding so tight to what I wanted the world to be. I was wrong to think that fighting harder would give me a different result (or any). I was wrong in believing that good will bring more good. It was always like that! Only in my head should things have been different. At that point, I realized this world had nothing good or bad. It is just what we expect life to be and what we do with it when proven wrong. It started and finished with me. I'm the only one responsible for my life, and I'm the only one living it.

One morning, in the middle of all of it, I had one of those moments of clarity. I looked at myself and saw only frustration and misery. I can tell you one thing for sure. It is an ugly picture to look at. I'm not sure how long I stayed there. Just looking at myself. And then it hit me. All is well! Yes, life is complicated. Yes, many things went very wrong, and yes, if life was different, it could all be easier. But after all, I'm here! And life is what it is!

After this moment of lucidity, I decided I needed to take myself out of it. I started by writing down my good things, from the basic to the sophisticated ones. I realized I had all I needed (which was very different from what I wanted). I have food, shelter, health, a healthy kid, a beautiful land to live on, and people I love in my life. This must be a good start. I wrote down all the great things I passed in my life and took the time to be thankful for all of them. I looked at the future; I wrote multiple times what I wanted to achieve and how I thought to do it. It all really helped.

I went back to meditating at least 10 minutes a day and work out for 20 minutes. I didn't manage to do it every day. But 3 days a week is better than 0, and 5 days a week is better than 3 times. I created a daily mantra to help me to remember the important part. In this process, I realized I developed a pattern of self-pity, anger toward life, and frustration about myself. It became a habit that I went back into every time I didn't have too much attention.

As part of the process, I realized that I'm not responsible for no other person's pain or destiny. I'm in charge of my own. It hit me; my purpose is simple: To live the best way I can. Not the best way I think I can do it. But the best way there is. I realized that the only measurement of improvement is who and where I was yesterday. I know I will fuck it up and take the wrong turns; it is part of living.

I realized I needed to learn to separate between what I lost and what I never had. Who I am and who I explain my self I wish to be. It is an important lesson. As it separates your existence and the story, you explain yourself, you are. "Should" is the most toxic aspect of human life. It is the main reason for the majority of our mental suffering. What we lose teaches us something, and what we never had to kill us.

Today I have a dream. Not a big one and not a meaningful one. I want to have control over my life. Do the best I can for myself. Manage to distinguish between what is in my control and what is not. What I have and what I wish I had. Remember that I'm capable. Not because of something I've done but because I have the power to change….every day! And that life is an individual path that no one can teach us or tell us how to walk. There is no right or wrong, correct or better. There is only one path.

I dream of arriving somewhere. A better place ….or just a different one. I hope that when I look back, I will always be satisfied with my path. Not because it was easy, good, or successful. But because I walk it. I know I must walk this path! After all, I would prefer being somewhere than nowhere.

Learn more about my path toward knowledge in my books or in other post I wrote previously.